"Learning to Go Slow: How CIR Helped Me Reclaim My Life"

Before the Program

By the time I joined the program, for 1.5 year I’ve been struggling with a variety of symptoms after the concussion I had. It was a 3rd concussion in my life (at least those I can recall:) yet the harshest one to deal with. I was on a sick leave from work, each week hoping and also assuring myself that in a few weeks I’ll be good to return. However, working with screens even over 10 mins made my body burn.

It was very difficult to be with people as I was getting tired very fast; yet the worst thing was that I was triggered into irritation a lot, and often times there was just too little energy to contain it. Many of my friendships drifted away in those 1.5 years. The whole social life seemed to have been paused which didn’t help to keep the spirit up.

"Physically, I almost stopped working out or moving much, as it often caused my body to crash and took many days to recover."

I knew that it’s my nervous system being stuck in a dysregulated state, and I’ve tried quite a few different modalities and approaches. My favorite one I call “Expose and recover” - go out there, do things, push through to feel like I have my life back; and then go back to a cocoon and recover:) I’ve tried physio therapy; acupuncture; somatic exercises; breathwork and probably a few other things I can’t remember right now, to bring my nervous system back to a regulated state. Meditation was something that would bring some relief for some time.

And I do see now that there was a lot of rationale and benefit behind it all; however the way I approached it was what caused me to get into this state after a concussion in the first place. I just pushed too hard to recover. Funny enough, at some point I even stopped noticing the pain itself, which wasn’t localized anywhere—it felt more like a burning sensation throughout my entire body, in all the fascia. As if there were wires in my body that were pulled very tense and were overheated and burning all around it.

So, instead my mind focused on the effects this pain brought - brain fog, high irritability, inability to regulate emotions, anxiety, low capacity to handle any input (visual, audial, emotional, physical load). And at certain point I just stopped doing anything, hoping that it’s the time that my body needs to cool down and come back to balance.

Finding CIR

That’s when my arbodienst mentioned that I should get into revalidate program. I never heard of it before, and my GP never suggested anything like that until I pushed a bit. And CIR was his suggestion.

The Program Experience

It was quite challenging in many ways. Not the approach of accepting pain as inevitable part of life. But rather the fact that I was confronted with quite some unpleasant discoveries about how I lead my life, how I treated my body, and what got me so sensatized after the physical injury.

It was also quite intense and tiring, so in-between the days in CIR I was recovering my energy levels while also integrating all the new findings (both, mental and physical). A couple of times I even thought whether it was a mistake to join a program, and exhaust myself even more:) But I would almost immediately spot that it was resistance talking.

"Despite the challenges, it turned out to be a beautiful journey."

I loved the holistic approach, both mind and body were in the spotlight. And the whole atmosphere in CIR is very friendly and supportive. Thanks to the therapists I felt very safe to experiment with moving my body in a new way; to dive deeper into the patterns of behavior and get to the bottom of it; to resume some social activities which I stopped because of the fear that it would cause me to crash again.

I felt supported, heard and seen; and I felt that if my experiments won’t go too well, I have someone to bounce the ideas on what can be done better. And looking back at it now, that was exactly what I needed at the time - a safe space with experienced professionals where I’d feel that someone else is on my team and I don’t have to deal with it all alone.

I’m still applying (and hope to continue!) the gradual activity approach. To literally everything in life:). As it turned out, that’s the most sustainable way to go without getting to burn myself out into another concussion.

Life After CIR

It’s been a couple of months now since I finished the program, and I am nailing this process like a pro:) I see that there’s still time needed to recover fully, however now I have all the patience for it. There’s no more fear of what I call “crashes”, no fear of relapses. There’s this quiet confidence that I can handle anything.

In fact, I have just had a relapse:) Yet, I’ve learned from it and keep building up. I can say that I’m looking much more positive at future. Just as I was before the injury. Going slow and steady is my new motto now. I resumed many of my social activities, being consistent with my yoga and exercise, I feel that my cognitive capacity is increasing.

"I’ve come to realize that progress isn’t about the absence of “bad days,” but about the ability to move forward with self-trust: even on a bad day."

Pain still comes of course but it no longer crashes me emotionally and physically. I am very much able to enjoy my day while experiencing pain. And burning sensations are nearly gone. Pain now is perceived as a quiet messenger (that I might be overdoing/or crossing my own boundaries) rather than the burning source of irritation.

I used these 2 years, and my time in CIR specifically, to really revisit my values, believes and approaches to life. And I’ve found that I wasn’t always following those inner most wishes, and that’s just the way my body said No. With that said, I am now in the process of figuring out what it is that I wish to commit to in life. And the big difference is, after I’ve completed a program, I know that whatever it would be, I want to enjoy the process and not just the end result or achievement. I’m very grateful to my therapists who have created that safe and supporting space for me to see all the insights and experiment with integrating it to life.